You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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