better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
