Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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