Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
