I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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