My brain says no but my pants say off.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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