JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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