he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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