I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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