Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
