dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
