evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
