I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
