I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
