id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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