I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
