meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
