I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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