glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
