remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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