remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
