The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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