Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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