whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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