I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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