Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
