she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
