I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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