I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sex in a hospital.. check
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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