its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
