Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
where are you?
Hypothermia
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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