You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drake has all the answers
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
