I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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