ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
