She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
