im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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