tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
