It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
