What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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