He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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