just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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