Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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