I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
