She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
