Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
