He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i permit you to call me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
