I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
