I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
