what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
