just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
