So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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